Gosh, the title says it all. I'm not, but I feel a little crazy. Being an entrepreneur and your own boss is fabulous but it gets hard sometimes when there isn't a person to tell you exactly how to do it! It's a lot of second guessing yourself, trial and error and a lot of mistakes! But in the end, we learn from it all, and that's what matters most. I think everyone comes to a point in their business where they struggle with exactly what they want out of it. Whether it's right at first and you get started EXACTLY how you want, to continue to run your business (wouldn't that be a dream?) or maybe a couple of months into it or years, in my case. Life change can affect many things, especially your business. About a month ago, give or take (I'm horrible with timelines), I announced I was going to focus mainly on lifestyle photography. While I know that's still where my true passion lies, it's not enough to fuel my fire.
One of the things I've learned about myself over the past two years, is I'm a VERY high stress person. Like that saying "I stress about stress before there's even anything to stress about" - that's me. My role as a mother comes with a plate a little fuller than some, which I handle the best I can. I'm also a very driven person when it comes to pursuing my dreams and goals - but stress easily gets in the way. My boyfriend is my rock (stay with me, there's relevance to this). He helps me make sense of the way I am and can be at times. I try to juggle so many things and I always get frustrated and stressed when I fall short in ANY aspect in my life. He once said to me "You cannot give EVERYTHING in your life 100%. You have to find balance". This was not okay to me haha - but he is right. (Don't tell him I said that) I have an urge to have perfection in my life. It is a REAL struggle, guys. It sucks. It takes a lot of stepping back and putting things into perspective to keep me sane. Sometimes I do crazy things - like restricting things in my life that I think I need to, to maintain sanity, but actually restricting my talent and happiness. For instance...announcing to everyone that I was going to FOCUS on lifestyle photography. And then other clients contact me about sessions and Fall weather starts rolling around and I realize - I'm restricting myself for...what? Because I thought it'd be a good idea to focus on one style of photography and STICK to my guns, even though it's not really what I want? Sounds crazy, right? I know. But I'm human, not crazy.
So, with all of that being said - I may not have the time to market and advertise with everything I have going on, but I am at peace with just taking sessions and clients as they come. If it gets to the point where I'm overwhelmed and need to pause or take a step back - then THAT is when I restrict myself. At times my kids require most of my time, other times my design does, sometimes I want to get away from it all and focus on my relationship with my significant other. That is balance. Trying to plan and maneuver everything a head of time, does not work. At least for me. That's trying to have control over something before it even happens - and THAT is crazy haha.
I still do want to build lifestyle sessions in my portfolio and am still needing models, so contact me if you're interested! And - Fall Minis will be posted soon! <3